Letters to the Illiterate

Farewell...

2004-12-03T20:58:27Z

can someone PLEASE make me a nice setup on my lj??????? please!!!! i need all the help and originality...

i think im gonna delete this journal... start fresh... brand new...

actually, i will... im deleting it...

go to washingtherain

i tip my hat to you all

Mommy, who's the blonde man?

2004-12-02T20:31:00Z

the little things make the biggest smiles.

repressed memory of a mother's affair. and only wanting to go cuz of the orange, marshmallow circus peanuts on top of his fridge.

so zack bought me circus peanuts...

i cant wait to pop one in my mouth

God is so confusing

2004-12-02T20:21:15Z

it'll only be a week tomorrow. but i feel like its been forever. and im still happy and feel all too lucky.

yesterday when i got picked up, i got so depressed. sitting there in the backseat of the jetta that once belonged to me, watching dawn's brother, his friend kirkk and this gay coke/crack dealer smoke pot made me feel so out of place and furious. i dont wanna be around ppl like that. i felt so low just for knowing them.

sometimes i feel like im better than ppl. do i sound like a snob? im just saying what everyone feels, but will never admit to... like masterbating.

i feel so much smarter, morally just, and a better person. i use to hate sesame street because it was set in the projects. i was a little kid who wanted to strangle elmo and big bird because they lived in the slums and talked to puerto rican kids. barney seemed more my type cause he was always playing games with the white, middle class, suburban children. that was me

and at that moment i hated my life. i always hate my life. but i never wanted to live with street smart people that smoke pot and drink and speed on the side streets. the ones that have trouble pronouncing certain words and cant keep a handle on their kids. the ones that swear too much and refer to women as "pussy". the ones that think about sex and not worried about getting a job.

i hate ppl. im a bitch for saying it. i miss warwick sometimes. all the time

pavlovs_dog @ 2004-12-02T15:10:00

2004-12-02T20:13:02Z

Your element is earth: Wise, solitary, mysterious
and loving. You are very wise. Your wise as in
you know things others do not, you can see past
stereotypes and see the real people behind
their facades, and people will often come to
you for help and advice. Quite solitary and
somewhat shy around people because you prefer
animals and plants, animals aren't afraid to
show themselves or what they are feeling and
plants are fun to nurture. You are very strong
in your silence if you set your mind on
something you will often times pursue it to the
end. Sometimes you just want to get away, so
you seek refuge in the forest where you can
have time to think and try to sort out your
emotions. The sound of the wind usually calms
you, especially moving through the trees. Life
to you is something precious and should not be
taken for granted.

.:-|What is your true element?|-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla

Rain, Rain... Do Please Go Away

2004-12-01T19:56:50Z

god's crying today. someone give him a hug.

if i had go-go-gadget arms, i would.

and if i believed, i'd hug harder

Alexis is back! she's sitting beside me at the library's computer. i missed her. her family is so caring and offered their hand and shoulder to lean on, even when they didnt know me from a hole in the wall. it's nice to know people like that. no wonder alexis is the way she is. i love you alexis...

but please post me... lol

i woke up a quarter to five this morning to see him. i walked two miles in the rain to see him. he wasnt there.
i couldve stayed home and slept. but i took those two buses in this dreary weather to see him.
thank god he was only late.

i missed him.
we had a very nice talk last night. almost 3 and a half hours. at first he was a bit upset (more like disappointed if you will) because i smoked with dawn and her younger brother in her bedroom. bad idea. i got all crazy again.

but i called him and told him. i felt dirty and guilty and i felt that he should know. i never want to hide things from him, even if im ashamed to admit.

everytime i think of him, the butterflies come. or when a class ends, they waken from the mere thought of passing him in the hall.

i am so happy.

yet the sky is not.

my glutes are killing me.

smile. ur on candid camera

pavlovs_dog @ 2004-11-30T15:16:00

2004-11-30T20:27:02Z

i cant feel my hands. but at least they're a lot warmer than last night...

i got in big trouble. dawn was fuming. she said she looked for me twice, had the woman page me, and had one of the cops try to find me at the library last night. she's convinced i left. i was waiting from 2:15 to closing time (9). then when i figured she wouldn't show up, and the fact that the library was closed, i walked all the way to amanda sherman's house to see if dawn got the stuff like she planned. her dad said she left a long time ago. so i walked to my aunt's house to get a ride to woonsocket. my uncle was pissed that he had to drive all the way over there, but even more mad when we got lost twice. i finally got home at 11:00. she gave me a short lecture and then told me about her day and we went to bed. i can never keep her mad at me for long...

him and i are so comfortable now. before, with past bfs, i used to act shy... not my goofy self. but today, sitting outside on the bench, we both kept laughing. it felt wonderful to be able to say whatever stupid may be on my mind like i usually can with my friends. saturday he's gonna try to convince his mom to let me spend the night. we're not planning on doing any naughties... we're gonna take things REALLY slow... i care a lot about him and myself. i don't wanna be what all the rumors are saying i am. i want it to be right, like it shouldve been before with the others.

i am so happy

mb still LOVES kp

well, i guess im gonna try to keep myself busy at the computer so dawn can find me this time.

Time to drag out the quizzes... sigh...

2004-11-30T00:58:51Z

What Type of Villain are You?

mutedfaith.com.

u know what scares me? how true the definition is... lol

where's a counselor when you need one?

I love these things... does that make me gay?

2004-11-30T00:37:24Z

1. What time did you get up this morning? 5:45
2. Diamonds or pearls? DIAMONDS
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? ANCHORMAN
4. What is your favourite TV show? FAMILY GUY
5. What did you have for breakfast? CHEERIOS (AND MEDICINE)
6 What is your middle name? SUE
7. What is your favourite cuisine? ITALIAN
8. What food’s do you dislike? CABBAGE!!! HAM, PORK, BACON (I HATE PIG)
9. What is your favourite crisp flavour? WHAT THE HELL IS A CRISP FLAVOR? HOW ABOUT DILL PICKLES? IS THAT A CRISP FLAVOR?
10. What is your favourite CD at the moment? CROSSFADE (SELF-TITLED DEBUT)
11. What kind of car do you drive? STEPMOM'S DODGE CARAVAN
12. Favourite sandwich? TURKEY CLUB/COLD CUT TRIO (SUBWAY)
13. What characteristic do you despise? GOSSIPERS
14. Favourite item of clothing? REGULAR DENIM JEANS
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? AUSTRALIA
16. What colour is your bathroom? UM... BEIGE?
17. Favourite brand of clothing? DICKIES
18. Where would you retire to? FLORIDA
19. Favourite time of the day? 1:30 IN THE AFTERNOON
20. What was your most memorable birthday? MY THIRTEENTH (I GOT AN EASY BAKE OVEN AND A SABRINA THE TEENAGE WITCH ELECTRONIC ORGANIZER)
21. Where were you born? WARWICK, RHODE ISLAND
22. Favourite sport to watch? BASKETBALL
23. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? AM I S'POSE TO SEND THIS OUT?
24. Person you expect to send it back first? ...
25. What fabric detergent do you use? THE CHEAPEST!
26. Coke or Pepsi? PEPSI
27. Day time or night time? DAYTIME
28. What is your shoe size? 8 1/2
29. Do you have any pets? NO, BUT TOTAL: 13 DOGS, 12 CATS, 2 BIRDS, 5 FISH, 1 SQUIRREL, 1 PRAIRIE DOG, 1 GUINEA PIG, 2 RABBITS, 2 MICE, AND I THINK THAT'S IT
30. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share with your family and friends? YEA... UM... I GOT A BOYFRIEND
31. What did you want to be when you were little? A WRITER AND ILLUSTRATOR FOR CHILDREN'S BOOKS
32. What are you meant to be doing today? GETTING ALL MY FURNITURE AND CRAP FROM AMANDA'S HOUSE

pavlovs_dog @ 2004-11-29T18:57:00

2004-11-30T00:05:00Z

she was supposed to call mike around 4:30... given an hour of conversation plus the thirty five minute drive (45 to be extra nice), she should've been here by now... it's seven o'clock... im tired, feel sick, and my throat is swollen... i can't swallow properly without wanting to cry and she's not here... i have homework to do, woman! i can't do it here, due to the fact my tools are at home... which is where i should be right now..

im soooo tired and cranky right now... i need a pillow...

i'm trying to read shindler's list and i dozed off about four times already!!! but im forced to snap back to reality because i would look pretty dumb sitting in the library sleeping over an open book turned to page 58...

i already read that 200 page book already... so where the hell are you? my options are limited and shindler isn't exactly keeping my attention at hand.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

Nice to say you're officially mine

2004-11-29T22:19:56Z

s'pose to pick up my furniture and nick-nacks from amanda's house... he's such a dick... wants to draw up papers with his lawyer to confirm that i owe him over 700 bucks in storage fees... asshole.
dawn's brother is buying my jetta... im a little sad... i hope he lets me drive it... i got attached to it... it was my first car and i never even got to drive it... i kinda want to cry right now...

first day of school where i could call him my own... jenna asked me if i was going out with him... a huge smile lit up my face. "yes" i said... i was so happy to say that...

he makes me feel so lucky and wonderful... i love looking at him... his freckles and brown eyes make me smile... i need to stop talking about him...

but im just so gosh darn happy

yuck... my throat is still wicked swollen... yesterday my muscles were hurting so bad and they were shaking. i was trying to stand in the bathroom to straighten my locks, but then my face got so pale, there was a shade of green alongside my purple lips... i almost collapsed on the floor and i kept throwing up... i feel better now, but my throat still hurts when i swallow... what's wrong with me????

I hope KP agrees...

2004-11-28T20:03:20Z

Take the What Type of Friend are
You? quiz, and visit mutedfaith.com.

mb <3 kp

14 DAYS TIL I'M LEGAL!!!

T.G.I.F

2004-11-27T18:32:43Z

i saw him yesterday.... 1:30 we met to spend the whole day and night together.

he looked beautiful... he said the same towards me...

we walked... a long walk... in the cold, but it was nice.... we finally headed back to his house where we talked some more... and peed... the cold does that to ya... you cant help but hafta pee...

we started walking again... he gave me his hoodie cuz i couldnt stop shivering... since we were walking on the edge of the conimicut beach, we stopped to look at the sky... with our feet dangling over the stone wall, we watched the bright and yellow moon reflect its shine on the ripples of the water... it looked so beautiful against the purple, pink, and blue sky... unfortunately, the wind wasnt as beautiful to us... so we headed out to eat where we could fill up our stomachs and warm up at the same time...

we went back to watch Super Troopers... laughed together... when it was over, the digital said four and a half hours left... so we laid our heads next to each other on his pillow and kissed... he held my hand as we laid there... he really knows how to make me feel comfortable... he said i have the perfect kisses- my lips were the softest he's ever felt... i agreed the same to him... he was gentle and passionate... not aggressive and rough... we kissed with only each other on our minds... and i still felt like i was dreaming whenever i opened my eyes to see his face... it was just too flawless to believe... and im not just saying this at all. from his chiseled jawline, defined cheekbones, gorgeous brown eyes, freckles, and full lips, i felt like i was way too lucky...

he made me cry... after we pulled away from one kiss, he opened his eyes and said i was so beautiful. he told me that i was one of those girls that he couldnt get caught looking at... no one had ever said i was beautiful... ive been "cute", "hot", and "pretty", but beautiful? i was so happy and felt so lucky and good about myself at that moment, i couldnt help but cry... but he kissed my tears away and i never wanted to leave his arms...

the eleven hours together went by like our three minute break between classes... it was all too soon, but it was the happiest i've ever been in my entire life... i cant describe the feeling i had last night... and i was so afraid that it would just become a memory, rather than a feeling... he promised me that we would work together so as that never had to happen... i believed him...

too bad its not friday anymore...

i miss him terribly so... i feel like some little girl with a crush... but i know how i feel and i want to declare it... its been a long time since i've been this happy... and i want it to be just as long a time, if not more, since i haven't been happy... cuz with him, unhappiness just may take awhile...

Gobble, Gobble Bitches

2004-11-26T00:10:30Z

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!!

this is one of the more boring holidays... second next to easter...

has a great moral to it, but little know the actual hate behind the historic holiday...

damn pilgrims... lol

its wicked shitty out... i hope its not as wet and sad tomorrow... he was gonna take me for a walk on the beach... and then we were gonna head out for a bite to eat... after that, wing it... as long as im with him...

turkey day sucks...

but post turkey should be beautiful... yea friday!!!

p.s... maybe i should just get a tattoo on my lower back instead... perhaps tiger eyes... ??? any cool suggestions people?!?!?

pavlovs_dog @ 2004-11-24T14:44:00

2004-11-24T19:49:35Z

Je sais l'amour d'it's pas, mais les papillons s'agitent. Et je sais que ce n'est pas amour, mais le vent se développe plus froid quand vous ne tenez pas ma main. Mais ce n'est toujours pas amour même lorsque mes yeux semblent tomber dans le vôtre quand nous tirons de notre baiser. Mais est-il correct si je dis combien I vraiment, vraiment comme vous ?

***I know it's not love, but the butterflies are flapping. And I know it's not love, but the wind grows colder when you're not holding my hand. And yet it's still not love even when my eyes seem to fall into yours when we pull from our kiss. But is it okay if I say how much I really, really like you?***

turkey day's tomorrow

2004-11-24T19:36:32Z

we're suppose to do something friday... dont know what... good thing someone told me we dont have school... i was thinking about what i was gonna wear!

he hasnt figured out what to do... we hold hands now and kiss good-bye... havent been able to do that in the hallways since last year... kinda miss it... he makes me so happy...

lenny's teaching me guitar... and i know he likes me... we talked and he's cute but lenny doesnt know about HIM... and how should i tell him? i hope he doesnt think that i was leading him on... i just am very happy with HIM and lenny is a great friend... i dont wanna hurt lenny... but he's calling later today on his way to New Jersey cause he needs the company...

i miss HIM already... he'll be outta work at seven... didnt talk to him last night... just on the bench outside the library... they make fun of his deep voice... i love his voice so much... its very mature and its deepness is only the reflection of his conversation... i love to talk to him and listen to what he has to say... he's different than all the others... and he doesnt look like an oompa loompa when he's laughing... and unlike some, he's got great lips that are soft and wonderful to kiss...

ive been talking a lot about HIM lately... i sound like a girl... lol... i dont wanna sound like a girl... im just very happy... and its been awhile since i can say that... so im gloating... shoot me for it...

SEVEN DEADLY SINS- thanx kara

2004-11-24T19:27:47Z

"seven deadly sins"....

ANGER
1. Who did you last get angry with? MS. AIELLO
2. What is your weapon of choice? IBUPROFEN... LOL
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? YES
4. How about of the same sex? NO
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? MEG ROUNDS
6. What is your pet peeve? PEOPLE WHO PUT SOAP ON THEIR HANDS BEFORE WATER
7. Do you keep grudges? NO

SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time? EAT LUNCH
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? 1:30
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't: COLLEGE
4. What is the last lame excuse you made? "I CAN'T COME IN TOMORROW BECAUSE MY GREAT UNCLE DIED AND HIS WAKE IS TOMORROW."
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones?) HELL NO
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in? LAST YEAR?
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? TWICE

GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? MOUNTAIN DEW AMP
2. Meat eater? YUPPERS
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? WHOLE BOTTLE OF STRAIGHT KARKOV VODKA
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? TOO CHEAP...NO
5. Do you have an issue with your weight? BIG TIME
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? SALTY
7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "LUNCH"?
NO, BUT I HAVE LOOKED AT RAW HAMBURGER AND THOUGHT, "MMMMM. DESSERT"

LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? FULLY? HMMM... HAVE TO SAY THREE (BUT ONE WAS MEG'S MOM... LOL)
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)? FULLY? NONE
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? WHO HASN'T? OF COURSE!
4. Have you "done it"? SADLY, YES
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? LIPS AND NECK
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? CANT SAY I HAVE

GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own? NONE
2. What's your guilty pleasure store? BEST BUY
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? COLLEGE, HOUSE, CAR
4. Rich, or famous? RICH
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? EH... MAYBE FOR A LITTLE WHILE
6. Have you ever stolen anything? YES
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? LOL... HOW THE HELL DO I KNOW?

PRIDE
1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of? WRITING
2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? LIKE THEY CARE
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? HAVE STABILITY AND A GREAT JOB THAT KEEPS ME SATISFIED
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? NOT REALLY
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? YES
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? YES
7. What did you do today that you're proud of? TRIED LEARNING TO PLAY GUITAR

ENVY
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own? THEIR FAMILY AND HOME
2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? LYRA LEMIEUX
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? HMMM... DOES IT HAVE TO BE FAMOUS? CAUSE I WOULD JUST RATHER BE ANYONE BESIDES MYSELF
4. Have you ever been cheated on? YES
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? DONT EVEN MAKE ME TAKE OUT THE LIST
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? SELF-CONFIDENCE
7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey? NO... I'D HAVE MORE FUN TAKING IT THAN MAKING IT

My Glove

2004-11-23T19:59:35Z

he warmed my hands today in his own... it was cold, but he kept them warm...

made sure my lips were toasted before he walked away... once he left, i swear the wind grew colder...

he was my sweater... i miss my sweater...

Post Script

2004-11-22T20:28:22Z

p.s. washingtherain

similar in format, different in text... please add

Another Kiss...

2004-11-22T20:19:31Z

walked with him to work and sat on the bench for fourty-five minutes just talking... he gave me a hug... then i gave him a kiss... we really need to settle it this friday... will you be my valentine?

i miss him already... its only been 15 minutes since i said good-bye... i wonder if he's thinking of me? im thinking of you...

gave him a note... i told him about the butterflies... does he feel the butterflies? he gives me a knot in my tummy that i will never want to unravel...

i just woke the butterflies...

Died to Meet the Angel

2004-11-20T17:37:38Z

i hope it'll be as wonderful as our phone calls...

talked another two hours (plus thirty minutes)and hung up more fulfilled than last time... admitted i wished we could be more than just our conversations... he agreed... but we need to feel the same outside the wire and buttons... i feel the same way...

ill give him a call before he leaves for work... maybe create a plan to test out our hopes... i would love to just be able to hold his hand... they look so soft and would feel warm in mine... sigh...

another note: dawn's been having me drive her van... so i drove on the highway twice so far... once in woonsocket, almost slammed directly into a truck... it was like a scene from the movies... we both swerved in opposite directions just barely blowing by each other's painted sides... then i had to try swerving back to position to avoid the car right behind him!!! never being in an accident before, i dropped a load of hershey squirts in my jeans!!! phew...that was scary as all hell... and i dont even have a permit...

and dawn told me not to worry about it... it was funny to her... NOT TO ME!!! i dont know about u dawn, but im looking forward to a christmas tree this year!!!

SKITTLES AND GRAVY-- thank god im not a paraplegic

I Need Chaser

2004-11-19T19:11:02Z

hangover... ouchie

last night, brother's mom's brother brought two friends over with weed... she got me to take a few hits...
went with them to someone's house to drink... had a bottle of vodka to self... lots of puke, and way too much dizziness... wanted to die... i never wanna drink again...

and i need a chaser... ibuprofin aint exactly doing the trick... i actually think it made it worse...

he's gonna call me today/night... he worked last night... good ol' stop and shop... i miss him...

hopefully he'll give me a question that i can answer with a yes... cause i really wanna say yes...

hangover... ouchie

plus my back still hurts from falling out the second story window...

i need a big ol' band-aid

jealous...

2004-11-18T20:21:47Z

speaking of tattoos... my research is getting me nowhere!!! why can't i find a picture of a tiger's arm... the way it would look if it would gripping a flat surface, yet clawing as its grip loosens? i want to get a tiger's arm reaching with claws stretched out, leaving a trail of claw tears in my skin... but obviously, i cannot find a picture to bring in for when i do get it... if i can't get that, i might either get a picture of a climbing tiger, or have a little cartoon face of the devil on my left shoulder, and an angel on my right... creative, eh?

if anyone has any pictures of my first choice... PLEASE HELP ME!!!

Butterflies

2004-11-18T19:14:49Z

mmmm... had a wonderful four and a half hour sleep last night... my mind was at ease since the call...

he called me... i gave him my number and he actually called... and it was one of the best conversations ive had in a long time...

i like that he's a thinker... like me... always looking for the art rather than the picture... always listening, rather than hearing... and my smile wouldnt go away...

our minds are so similar... our intellect so alike... and i miss talking to him... but at least he called...

i only wish he would have asked me that question... i wish i didnt have to go...

hope he calls again...

I'm Officially An E-Groupie

2004-11-14T22:58:08Z

for the first time i decided to visit a chat room... boy, was i missing out these eighteen years

a thirty one year old man was trying to get us vulnerable young women to wrestle him for money...

i suggested wearing liccorice and creating a human pyramid in a vat of vanilla pudding and i'd sign up

and i made a friend... a cool friend from michigan... he's turning twenty in two weeks and he's in a band...

and im just excited to make a friend... haven't been able to say that... lol

im officially an E-Groupie... how would that look in a dating ad? "SWF looking for virtual relationship. i only talk via email and i like to share my thoughts in an online journal... dont like the beach because it doesn't involve a keyboard. only cyber sex and artificial insemination. enjoys wrestling with middle-aged men via the internet."

wow... my future has a lot to offer...

now where did i put the noose?

Sigh...

2004-11-13T18:10:35Z

went to homecoming... contrary to belief... bought a ticket homecoming day... pulled some strings.... always good to tell them you're a senior... and *cough*hadpnemonia*cough*

no preparation... borrow shirt and skirt from Alexis' closet... first time my boobs breathed in public... felt like a whore,... it looked like JLo's dress... lol...

went to Jeff Lopes after party... my first party ever... had a blast... first thing when i got there.... "anyone doing shots?" Maricio (that 23 yr old italian kid) took me aside to get me drunk where i tried vodka the first time... no chasing...

then later he pulled me into a dark, unrecognizable room and tried kissing me and doing other stuff but i left... went to the V.I.P room, as i like to call it... took shelter... lol... i may have been drunk but i can still think...

talked to zack paloso (*sp)... told him i thought he was beautiful... talked about college, his beauty, life, and more about his beautiful face... lol... good kid... good kisser... but i didnt just kiss him cause i was a tad bit tipsy... i really had a crush on the kid before... and i wish it can be more than just that one drunken kiss... i hope so...

couldnt stop thinking about him that night... went to bed with him on my mind... do you ever do that? just replay over and over in your mind something that made you smile for the first time in a long time...??? maybe im a dork for thinking that way... all i know is that im smiling right now three days later since it happened and he's still on my mind... ho hum and a sigh... i wish i wasnt so shy sober...

damn butterflies wont go away....